Creativity and Courage

When I started out in university, I was a Visionary, but now that I’m working, I’ve become an Idealist. And the description fits me almost perfectly; and this is why my reactions are such:

 ”Their job must be fun, although not racous, and it must be meaningful to them. They need a strong purpose in their work. They want to be recognized and valued, without undue attention given to them. They may become embarrassed when make the center of attention. As a result, they may undersell their strengths in order to avoid being singled out and made to feel conspicuous. They would rather have their worth be noticed gradually over time.”

- INFP - The Dreamer (Lifexplore)

And I found this more elaborate description of an INFP. Statements in bold are those that I agree to.

As an INFP, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit into your personal value system. Your secondary mode is external, where you take things in primarily via your intuition.

INFPs, more than other iNtuitive Feeling types, are focused on making the world a better place for people. Their primary goal is to find out their meaning in life. What is their purpose? How can they best serve humanity in their lives? They are idealists and perfectionists, who drive themselves hard in their quest for achieving the goals they have identified for themselves

INFPs are highly intuitive about people. They rely heavily on their intuitions to guide them, and use their discoveries to constantly search for value in life. They are on a continuous mission to find the truth and meaning underlying things. Every encounter and every piece of knowledge gained gets sifted through the INFP’s value system, and is evaluated to see if it has any potential to help the INFP define or refine their own path in life. The goal at the end of the path is always the same - the INFP is driven to help people and make the world a better place.

Generally thoughtful and considerate, INFPs are good listeners and put people at ease. Although they may be reserved in expressing emotion, they have a very deep well of caring and are genuinely interested in understanding people. This sincerity is sensed by others, making the INFP a valued friend and confidante. An INFP can be quite warm with people he or she knows well.

INFPs do not like conflict, and go to great lengths to avoid it. If they must face it, they will always approach it from the perspective of their feelings. In conflict situations, INFPs place little importance on who is right and who is wrong. They focus on the way that the conflict makes them feel, and indeed don’t really care whether or not they’re right. They don’t want to feel badly. This trait sometimes makes them appear irrational and illogical in conflict situations. On the other hand, INFPs make very good mediators, and are typically good at solving other people’s conflicts, because they intuitively understand people’s perspectives and feelings, and genuinely want to help them.

INFPs are flexible and laid-back, until one of their values is violated. In the face of their value system being threatened, INFPs can become aggressive defenders, fighting passionately for their cause. When an INFP has adopted a project or job which they’re interested in, it usually becomes a “cause” for them. Although they are not detail-oriented individuals, they will cover every possible detail with determination and vigor when working for their “cause”.

When it comes to the mundane details of life maintenance, INFPs are typically completely unaware of such things. They might go for long periods without noticing a stain on the carpet, but carefully and meticulously brush a speck of dust off of their project booklet.

INFPs do not like to deal with hard facts and logic. Their focus on their feelings and the Human Condition makes it difficult for them to deal with impersonal judgment. They don’t understand or believe in the validity of impersonal judgment, which makes them naturally rather ineffective at using it. Most INFPs will avoid impersonal analysis, although some have developed this ability and are able to be quite logical. Under stress, it’s not uncommon for INFPs to mis-use hard logic in the heat of anger, throwing out fact after (often inaccurate) fact in an emotional outburst.

INFPs have very high standards and are perfectionists. Consequently, they are usually hard on themselves, and don’t give themselves enough credit. INFPs may have problems working on a project in a group, because their standards are likely to be higher than other members’ of the group. In group situations, they may have a “control” problem. The INFP needs to work on balancing their high ideals with the requirements of everyday living. Without resolving this conflict, they will never be happy with themselves, and they may become confused and paralyzed about what to do with their lives.

INFPs are usually talented writers. They may be awkard and uncomfortable with expressing themselves verbally, but have a wonderful ability to define and express what they’re feeling on paper. INFPs also appear frequently in social service professions, such as counselling or teaching. They are at their best in situations where they’re working towards the public good, and in which they don’t need to use hard logic.

INFPs who function in their well-developed sides can accomplish great and wonderful things, which they will rarely give themselves credit for. Some of the great, humanistic catalysts in the world have been INFPs.

In relationships:

INFPs present a calm, pleasant face to the world. They appear to be tranquil and peaceful to others, with simple desires. In fact, the INFP internally feels his or her life intensely. In the relationship arena, this causes them to have a very deep capacity for love and caring which is not frequently found with such intensity in the other types. The INFP does not devote their intense feelings towards just anyone, and are relatively reserved about expressing their inner-most feelings. They reserve their deepest love and caring for a select few who are closest to them. INFPs are generally laid-back, supportive and nurturing in their close relationships. With Introverted Feeling dominating their personality, they’re very sensitive and in-tune with people’s feelings, and feel genuine concern and caring for others. Slow to trust others and cautious in the beginning of a relationship, an INFP will be fiercely loyal once they are committed. With their strong inner core of values, they are intense individuals who value depth and authenticity in their relationships, and hold those who understand and accept the INFP’s perspectives in especially high regard. INFPs are usually adaptable and congenial, unless one of their ruling principles has been violated, in which case they stop adapting and become staunch defenders of their values. They will be uncharacteristically harsh and rigid in such a situation.

Strengths:

• Warmly concerned and caring towards others
• Sensitive and perceptive about what others are feeling
• Loyal and committed - they want lifelong relationships
• Deep capacity for love and caring
• Driven to meet other’s needs
• Strive for “win-win” situations
• Nurturing, supportive and encouraging
• Likely to recognize and appreciate other’s need for space
• Able to express themselves well
• Flexible and diverse

Weaknesses

• May tend to be shy and reserved
• Don’t like to have their “space” invaded
• Extreme dislike of conflict
• Extreme dislike of criticism
• Strong need to receive praise and positive affirmation
• May react very emotionally to stressful situations
• Have difficulty leaving a bad relationship
• Have difficulty scolding or punishing others
• Tend to be reserved about expressing their feelings
• Perfectionistic tendancies may cause them to not give themselves enough credit
• Tendency to blame themselves for problems, and hold everything on their own shoulders

INFPs as Friends

INFPs are warm and caring individuals who highly value authenticity and depth in their personal relationships. They are usually quite perceptive about other people’s feelings and motives, and are consequently able to get along with all sorts of different people. However, the INFP will keep their true selves reserved from others except for a select few, with whom they will form close and lasting friendships. With their high ideals, they are likely to be drawn to other iNtuitive Feelers for their closer friendships.

With their strong need for harmony and dislike of conflict, INFPs may feel threatened by people with strong Judging and Thinking preferences. Although they’re likely to be able to work well professionally with such individuals, they may have difficulty accepting or appreciating them on a personal level. They generally feel a kinship and affinity with other Feeling types.

INFPs will be valued by their confidantes as genuine, altruistic, deep, caring, original individuals.

Also found what kind of careers I should take. Throughout my life I wanted to be 15 of the jobs mentioned below. Yes, all those 15 aspirations fall here. So, this is really surreal and uncanny to discover that I’m an INFP after all.

Activist
Architect
Artist
Actor
Counselor
Church Worker
Employee Development Specialist
Educational Consultant
Editor
Filmmaker
Fashion Designer
Graphic/Web Designer
Holistic Health Practitioner
Human Resources
Journalist
Librarian

Legal Mediator
Massage Therapist
Missionary
Musician
Minister
Psychologist/Counselor
Photographer
Physical Therapist
Researcher
Social Scientist
Speech Pathologist
Social Worker
Translator/Interpreter
Teacher/Professor
Video Editor
Writer

Dear close-minded people,

Just because I like art doesn’t make me an uppity society girl. I go to art gallery openings to look at the artists’ works, and hope that I can talk to them about what they did and what inspired them to do it. If I won’t be able to talk to the artists, I’m there just to view the artworks.

Oh, and I’m there for the free wine, too. How can you fucking go wrong with free wine?

“Don’t be afraid,” my mom kept telling me, “You’ll get it when you get there.”

Today mom taught me how to paint using watercolor. I never thought it was easy, because it isn’t. Brush strokes should be as minimal as possible, and the shades go from light to dark, depending where the light is coming from. It takes a certain amount of concentration, but watercolor, in the end, is really fun. It’s actually versatile as you can later use a sign pen to add in more detail, for example. Despite having to remember certain rules, there’s no harm in going overboard with experimenting and trying to see what fits. Painting is hard, but it’s fruitful.

While I was painting, I thought that, despite the hard time I’ve been having, I was having fun with what I was doing. The whole thing is crap, I admit, but each time I held my brushes, it felt like I was about to explore a new world. There is no end to how much technique and creativity I can put in. The struggle became passion in just a few hours. I had learned another form of expression; I am slowly getting the hang of watercolor painting. 

This is what life is about in a sense. Life is hard, but it’s not terrible. It’s definitely a struggle, a passionate one, for finding ourselves. We use whatever means possible to find out who we really are. It’s just that, if we stick to the rules too much, we become too boring. My mom always says that you can remember the rules of lighting and composition in photography (because my medium, really, is photography), and have the most perfect photo ever developed, but what is perfect if there’s nothing much to say?

That’s the point of living: it’s always a work-in-progress and something we forever must practice, but we have to be as authentic as possible. That’s why we have to appreciate most artists (I say most because other artists are just too full of themselves sometimes) who share their struggle, their humanity, with the rest of the world. For all you know, a simple sketch of a daisy can tell so much about the draftsman. “It actually took me four hours to make this daisy, simply because I kept getting the shading of the stem wrong, and I was really afraid that it might be too plain” (I think like this when I write). They reach out to us with their imperfect, authentic lives. Ironically, artists are perfectionists by being imperfect. They keep telling us: Life may not be perfect, but it is something always worth commenting about, and it will surprise you that our there is endless beauty around us.

We just have to look closely and pay attention. And be brave.

Dear Tumblr,

I missed you. It feels like forever since I have seen your grayish-blue user interface. It’s been forever and a day since I wrote something substantial, non-repetitive, something that veers away from selling a product. I haven’t written anything about myself, the art around me… simply because I have not experienced my life as it happens for the past few days. There’s this great pain in my chest, this hole in my soul, this inability to feel what needs to be felt.

Dear crush,

I really don’t know what to say to you, except that you’re an amazing guy. You can’t imagine how thankful I am that you’re here. I wish that whoever will be your life partner must know that she’s the luckiest woman in the world. Please be happy. Please stay the same, but if you feel the need to change something, please know that I support you — or I won’t, and I’ll slap you silly for deciding on such a stupid choice.

I’ve honestly made a right choice in liking you, and I don’t think there will be anyone who can ever come close.

Just know that there is someone who will love you. Always.

Dear mom,

Thank you for understanding and listening to me. Finally. Thank you. Thank you.

Dear friends,

Your support is such a breath of fresh air. I’m so blessed to have you all in my life. I’m really so happy with your points of view, your ideas, and your love for me. You guys don’t know how much it means to me that you never abandoned me… that you never gave up on me. To be honest so many people have given up on me, but you guys didn’t. It tears me up inside that we can’t see each other as often as we would like to, but your chats on Facebook never cease to cheer me up. It’s such a shame we live in different parts of the world, but I’m glad we never stopped the conversation.

Dear God,

To toil and not to seek for rest… to labor and ask not for rewards… save that of knowing your Most Holy Name. I am always in a restless search for heaven, even when it’s always right before me. I think I see the road You have set out before me; the way is clearer than ever. However, I am faced with fallen tree trunks, and I must climb over them. Father God, I am not giving up on the mission You have given to me when I came into this world. You have made everyone with a goal, a cause. I am no different, and I will live my life with a cause. And this means making big decisions for myself…

All these in Your glory.

One typical summer day less than two years ago, I found a marble and a coiled copper wire. And then I started playing with them in my garden (in the old house).

Entitled “Goose Eggs,” this series of photos symbolized how people put value in their lives. I gave it such a title because goose eggs in the story “Jack & the Beanstalk” were highly prized, much like our lives and everything we do.

To view this series, believe that you are the marble. The copper wire is up for different interpretations.

(This rather serious piece reminds me of rigidity and scholarly order. Feels like looking into a philosophy professor’s eyes!)

(the photo above is my favorite from the set — the marble showed a spectrum of colors when the sun’s light reflected on its surface)

(yes, this is just a marble and the copper wire. It’s purposely blurry to give it that reflective, moon-like feel. For this photo I wanted it to look introspective and uncertain.)

(Sometimes we see ourselves in other people, much like the photo above, where I can see my own reflection. This symbolizes how sometimes our lives interlock when we share our humanity with everyone else.)

(Support systems are highly important in anyone’s life. Without them, it would be hard to pick ourselves up from the ground)

all photos by creativityncourage | tumblr.